you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
