Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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