you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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