if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
