oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
