I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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