He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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