Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
