Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
