the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
