Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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