If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
