I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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