college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
