Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
