dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
