So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
