Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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