He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm at about main and main street
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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