Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you had me at cake vodka
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
