I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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