Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
