The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
