We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
