My sheets look like a crime scene.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
