How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
