im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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