theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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