you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
