I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
