I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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