dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
