direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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