Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
