nut hugger
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
