My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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