I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
