Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
