consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
