brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
