i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
