Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A+ Viking dick
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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