We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
