i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
