The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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