i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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