You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
