Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
