Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
