it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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