Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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