I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
