Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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