theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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