I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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