i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
