She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
