There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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