Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
