it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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