Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize